Heavy Minded

They say when the head dies the body follows and I’ll be damned if I let anyone take my mind because unlike it my chest is hollow no heart rests just ribs and intestine no I wear it on my sleeve trying to hide it with a tee simply because I don’t want society to get a glimpse of me I’m on the go or maybe I’m stalling I’m so high or maybe I’m falling and I’ll be honest I think I can write or maybe it’s my calling can’t say that about a lot of music out here now it’s really appalling no lies about what I do I swear this is the real me talking 180 proof walking and I’m not trying to just open the door to this writing stuff I’m trying barge in because my mentals are not subdued by subliminals or laid to instrumentals this is real life a track record of the things I been through hopefully one day I can fill out a venue where my words will be the only thing on the menu because I want u the audience to eat my words swallow my sooth digest these sweet lines that rotten my tooth these metaphors will floor your foundation starting with the walls then the roof this is all of me the flaws the truth these issues that weigh so heavy on my mind I have to get them off my chest like a bench press as my will gets stronger my compositions are the proof 

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Cry

I cried the day I exited out of my mom’s stomach and probably a thousand times after that somewhat I cried the first time I got a boo boo I cried the first time my mom had my tooth pulled I cried when I tried to swim but sank to the bottom of the pool I cried when my childhood crush had to move I cried when I was told that wrestling’s fake and to think all this crying I did before I was eight I cried when we had to move across the city it was like we moved to a different state I cried from the whoopings I received for showing up to school late and all those switches from a tree I had to bring back just for me but nope only the skinniest ones for me I cried when that didn’t work I cried when we had to put granny in the earth I cried when I ran into a pole face first I cried when I saw numerous aunts cousins and uncles in a hearst it was worse seeing all of them in dirt I cried when I got grazed by a stray bullet yea that really hurt had my friends saying that i could have got merked as I got older I found that showing my emotions wasn’t as easy so now I almost cried when my first love whispered that she need me I did cry when she finally decided to leave me I almost cried when I graduated because after all I endured I was glad I made it I almost cried when we chose to have a baby so we mated I was her rock and made sure she was ok then cried in the bathroom when our child was taken a miscarriage was the result of our marriage broken I almost cried during the ending of the movie armageddon no joking it took some time but I cried when gunshots left my little cousin open I cried when my mom beat breast cancer after she was told it was potent and I’ll probably cry when I finally become my own boss I already know it so yes I cry but admitting that I cry doesn’t make me less of a man but more of one because i can admit my faults and vulnerabilities which in turn make me stronger one day hopefully u’ll understand 

Random Thoughts

It’s crazy but one thing I always tell the ladies is that Im different my mindset my dreams my swag even just the way I am are all different from what they’re used to Ill elaborate instead of saying how sexy a woman is I say how beautiful they are because she is and will always be considered a queen in my eyes nothing is more beautiful when I look at a woman Im not acknowledging her chest or butt Im looking deep through those eyes to see what her personality might be like or if her smile could light up a room and last but not lease those hips for if their made for childbearing my seed if she had all three that’s all I need yea Im just a different kind of guy see Im not the type to act like something or someone I’m not in fact this sickens me no I am who I am I don’t try to impress a woman with what I don’t have I feel that a woman will be impressed with who I am and what I’m trying to become yes I am confident but women like a confident man right see I told u I’m different when I talk to a woman I listen so I can be well informed on who she is I want to get familiar with her personality traits her dreams her future plans her interests and her priorities I want to know as much as I can so I never get tired of who she is honesty is a huge factor for me as I always keep things 100% real no sugar coating here if Im blessed by the chance of making love to u I will make u feel wanted and needed and guarantee u that your fantasies will be met your pure excitement is my fuel your body will be my canvas and I will paint the perfect priceless portrait no more little boy sex I’ll show u grown man affection passion that’ll make the gods blush Im a different kind of man by now u should know that but if u still have doubts I’ll show u 

R.E.D.

I can remember every dream (RED) so vividly in my 27 years it’s scaring me reason because my dreams never have happy endings seriously if I’m not somehow getting murdered then I’m just shy of cumming this is really killing me how my thoughts are fixated on destroying my emotions where’s my sympathy what about my family do I even get a symphony it’s like my mind is fighting my body and my soul has it in for me what an epiphany maybe I should explain see back way back when I was regressing everyday (RED) the reasoning drove me insane see it was all I had to cope with all I had to retain when the past keeps repeating itself and those mind games keep playing how could u refrain there were moments where I could have been found slain and this is what I wanna go back to how can u not feel my pain there were more times I was so high I barely knew my name there was a time when I started hanging with a gang sold drugs just to cop me a new chain did what I had to just so I could reach my dream of street fame took me a while before I realized that stuff was really lame that’s why now I regret each day (RED) the things I’ve done i dare to say the games I played the various women I preyed villains I sprayed then slayed now these visions are coming back of each one of them laid in a grave a little boy in a man’s body enslaved see my life need a shave people need to get cut off in order for my future to be paved first I have to remove evil demons (RED) eradicate a few of those skeletons because my intelligence is more than relevant my words are heaven sent not saying that I’m God but one of his angels in every tint I’ve been doing this for more than a little bit so yea I’m confident its all over me my scent first I must repent I’m older now so those childish games just don’t fit I’m ashamed of my past and I’m proud of it that’s why I’m trying to reach epic distances (RED) and share my life as I go through my sentences with no filter I hope I won’t be judged for my differences my goal is to overcome this ignorance with words that paints pictures of things u never seen places u never been let my experiences flood your mind waves let them marinate and give u what u crave please let your hear buds taste every crumb please let my work sing out and ring eardrums (RED)

U

The first time I saw u I only wanted to explore u but after seeing more of u I started to adore u got harder to ignore u just wanted to wrap u up and coil u spoil u never ever turn u royal blue grown man so there’s no need to toy with u putting myself out there for u i pledge to u that no matter what I’ll be right there for u u mean so much u’re mean so what because at the end of the day u know I mean too much your eyes your touch it’s more to u than just your butt I promise if I told u how I really felt u’ll blush and I bet I could make u cringe with excitement if I told u what I would do to u because I mean look at u no really look at u u’re really beautiful too from your lips hips thighs right down to your cuticles u’re a sight for blind eyes a true visual been looking for someone like u all my life I’ve been wondering what’s taking u had plans for u even before your parents started making u trust me I’m not faking u u taught me love how to be sensible and taught me patience too almost cried when I started dating u I mean u’re breathe taking I swear every time Im around u I start suffocating it’s true I get choked up but thats ok because my actions speak louder than words so whatever I do for u it’s from the heart this fire won’t ever die on u i’ll even cry for u your heartbeat my lullaby whenever I lie on u so when people ask me what’s my number one love my answer will always be y o u 

Random thoughts

These are just a bunch of random thoughts literally emotional outbursts or better yet just me rambling really see people view me as lame weird and silly but I just use their self pity to build my confidence its not very witty to judge a book by its cover but its a practice so widely used which is pure ignorance absolute perception comes with time and in due time people will see absolute perfection through my eyes and my words like swords they pierce eardrums or hearts if thats where u hear from see I’m trying to leave a lasting impression with words that are worth more than money in this saddening recession see now there’s an all time high of depression which soon turns worse into aggression which gives way to more murder and suicide rates which at the end of the day cause repression if u listen hard u’ll see there’s a blessing in this message there’s no reason to want to get reckless for a necklace if u have god in your life and family on your side that’s all u need to survive just accept it the real gift is in this lesson and I’m handing out a lot so just consider them as presents these words are just my transition from a boy to a grown man from accepting handouts to holding my life in my own hand my words aren’t really what u may be used to but hopefully I use them right in order to move u