Heavy Minded

They say when the head dies the body follows and I’ll be damned if I let anyone take my mind because unlike it my chest is hollow no heart rests just ribs and intestine no I wear it on my sleeve trying to hide it with a tee simply because I don’t want society to get a glimpse of me I’m on the go or maybe I’m stalling I’m so high or maybe I’m falling and I’ll be honest I think I can write or maybe it’s my calling can’t say that about a lot of music out here now it’s really appalling no lies about what I do I swear this is the real me talking 180 proof walking and I’m not trying to just open the door to this writing stuff I’m trying barge in because my mentals are not subdued by subliminals or laid to instrumentals this is real life a track record of the things I been through hopefully one day I can fill out a venue where my words will be the only thing on the menu because I want u the audience to eat my words swallow my sooth digest these sweet lines that rotten my tooth these metaphors will floor your foundation starting with the walls then the roof this is all of me the flaws the truth these issues that weigh so heavy on my mind I have to get them off my chest like a bench press as my will gets stronger my compositions are the proof 

Cry

I cried the day I exited out of my mom’s stomach and probably a thousand times after that somewhat I cried the first time I got a boo boo I cried the first time my mom had my tooth pulled I cried when I tried to swim but sank to the bottom of the pool I cried when my childhood crush had to move I cried when I was told that wrestling’s fake and to think all this crying I did before I was eight I cried when we had to move across the city it was like we moved to a different state I cried from the whoopings I received for showing up to school late and all those switches from a tree I had to bring back just for me but nope only the skinniest ones for me I cried when that didn’t work I cried when we had to put granny in the earth I cried when I ran into a pole face first I cried when I saw numerous aunts cousins and uncles in a hearst it was worse seeing all of them in dirt I cried when I got grazed by a stray bullet yea that really hurt had my friends saying that i could have got merked as I got older I found that showing my emotions wasn’t as easy so now I almost cried when my first love whispered that she need me I did cry when she finally decided to leave me I almost cried when I graduated because after all I endured I was glad I made it I almost cried when we chose to have a baby so we mated I was her rock and made sure she was ok then cried in the bathroom when our child was taken a miscarriage was the result of our marriage broken I almost cried during the ending of the movie armageddon no joking it took some time but I cried when gunshots left my little cousin open I cried when my mom beat breast cancer after she was told it was potent and I’ll probably cry when I finally become my own boss I already know it so yes I cry but admitting that I cry doesn’t make me less of a man but more of one because i can admit my faults and vulnerabilities which in turn make me stronger one day hopefully u’ll understand 

Random Thoughts

It’s crazy but one thing I always tell the ladies is that Im different my mindset my dreams my swag even just the way I am are all different from what they’re used to Ill elaborate instead of saying how sexy a woman is I say how beautiful they are because she is and will always be considered a queen in my eyes nothing is more beautiful when I look at a woman Im not acknowledging her chest or butt Im looking deep through those eyes to see what her personality might be like or if her smile could light up a room and last but not lease those hips for if their made for childbearing my seed if she had all three that’s all I need yea Im just a different kind of guy see Im not the type to act like something or someone I’m not in fact this sickens me no I am who I am I don’t try to impress a woman with what I don’t have I feel that a woman will be impressed with who I am and what I’m trying to become yes I am confident but women like a confident man right see I told u I’m different when I talk to a woman I listen so I can be well informed on who she is I want to get familiar with her personality traits her dreams her future plans her interests and her priorities I want to know as much as I can so I never get tired of who she is honesty is a huge factor for me as I always keep things 100% real no sugar coating here if Im blessed by the chance of making love to u I will make u feel wanted and needed and guarantee u that your fantasies will be met your pure excitement is my fuel your body will be my canvas and I will paint the perfect priceless portrait no more little boy sex I’ll show u grown man affection passion that’ll make the gods blush Im a different kind of man by now u should know that but if u still have doubts I’ll show u 

R.E.D.

I can remember every dream (RED) so vividly in my 27 years it’s scaring me reason because my dreams never have happy endings seriously if I’m not somehow getting murdered then I’m just shy of cumming this is really killing me how my thoughts are fixated on destroying my emotions where’s my sympathy what about my family do I even get a symphony it’s like my mind is fighting my body and my soul has it in for me what an epiphany maybe I should explain see back way back when I was regressing everyday (RED) the reasoning drove me insane see it was all I had to cope with all I had to retain when the past keeps repeating itself and those mind games keep playing how could u refrain there were moments where I could have been found slain and this is what I wanna go back to how can u not feel my pain there were more times I was so high I barely knew my name there was a time when I started hanging with a gang sold drugs just to cop me a new chain did what I had to just so I could reach my dream of street fame took me a while before I realized that stuff was really lame that’s why now I regret each day (RED) the things I’ve done i dare to say the games I played the various women I preyed villains I sprayed then slayed now these visions are coming back of each one of them laid in a grave a little boy in a man’s body enslaved see my life need a shave people need to get cut off in order for my future to be paved first I have to remove evil demons (RED) eradicate a few of those skeletons because my intelligence is more than relevant my words are heaven sent not saying that I’m God but one of his angels in every tint I’ve been doing this for more than a little bit so yea I’m confident its all over me my scent first I must repent I’m older now so those childish games just don’t fit I’m ashamed of my past and I’m proud of it that’s why I’m trying to reach epic distances (RED) and share my life as I go through my sentences with no filter I hope I won’t be judged for my differences my goal is to overcome this ignorance with words that paints pictures of things u never seen places u never been let my experiences flood your mind waves let them marinate and give u what u crave please let your hear buds taste every crumb please let my work sing out and ring eardrums (RED)

U

The first time I saw u I only wanted to explore u but after seeing more of u I started to adore u got harder to ignore u just wanted to wrap u up and coil u spoil u never ever turn u royal blue grown man so there’s no need to toy with u putting myself out there for u i pledge to u that no matter what I’ll be right there for u u mean so much u’re mean so what because at the end of the day u know I mean too much your eyes your touch it’s more to u than just your butt I promise if I told u how I really felt u’ll blush and I bet I could make u cringe with excitement if I told u what I would do to u because I mean look at u no really look at u u’re really beautiful too from your lips hips thighs right down to your cuticles u’re a sight for blind eyes a true visual been looking for someone like u all my life I’ve been wondering what’s taking u had plans for u even before your parents started making u trust me I’m not faking u u taught me love how to be sensible and taught me patience too almost cried when I started dating u I mean u’re breathe taking I swear every time Im around u I start suffocating it’s true I get choked up but thats ok because my actions speak louder than words so whatever I do for u it’s from the heart this fire won’t ever die on u i’ll even cry for u your heartbeat my lullaby whenever I lie on u so when people ask me what’s my number one love my answer will always be y o u 

Random thoughts

These are just a bunch of random thoughts literally emotional outbursts or better yet just me rambling really see people view me as lame weird and silly but I just use their self pity to build my confidence its not very witty to judge a book by its cover but its a practice so widely used which is pure ignorance absolute perception comes with time and in due time people will see absolute perfection through my eyes and my words like swords they pierce eardrums or hearts if thats where u hear from see I’m trying to leave a lasting impression with words that are worth more than money in this saddening recession see now there’s an all time high of depression which soon turns worse into aggression which gives way to more murder and suicide rates which at the end of the day cause repression if u listen hard u’ll see there’s a blessing in this message there’s no reason to want to get reckless for a necklace if u have god in your life and family on your side that’s all u need to survive just accept it the real gift is in this lesson and I’m handing out a lot so just consider them as presents these words are just my transition from a boy to a grown man from accepting handouts to holding my life in my own hand my words aren’t really what u may be used to but hopefully I use them right in order to move u   

Random thoughts

With a purple heart in my chest like a decorated soldier I spend most of my days lonesome and my nights feeling tortured often called a lame because I’m way too cultured now I feel like leaving my past to burn and my pain smouldered 

 

Misunderstood (rough draft)

The person standing in front of u on his own two has been referred to as many things except a man going through life being a statistic made me ballistic but as I grew older I witnessed it was realistic striving to be different I tried to live outside the box but steady find myself in the streets moving from block to block like hopscotch conformity  is normal b is all i kept hearing so I go along with it playing this puzzle game called life so empty but yet circles itself like an inner tube switching my style up and rotating my routines around doesn’t always match up like a rubik’s cube but yet I strived to be different my conception could have been a misdirection lost like if this country had no election maybe I’m just misunderstood I’d change people’s perceptions if I could because people see right through me I guess they have 20/20 vision I just do see it maybe my vision is blurry because u still judge without a gavel not realizing that I’ve chosen the road less traveled but why does it matter you’re still gonna view me as a hoodlum gang banger or rapper that’s not what I strive to be in school I always pulled a‘s and b‘s but yet people want to ask for a cd which makes my patience run on e it wouldn’t be so nice if I said f u because deep down I’m still a g but that would only make me regress when I’m trying to process this progress to success 

Surgery

I swear this is like surgery or more like burglary because I stole her heart I swear its like surgery because not even a scalpel can split us apart I swear what we have is surgery because it feels like our bones are reconstructing our ligaments being pulled together and our vibrations make music like strings of a harp see usually I make dumb decisions but this surgery is very smart where do I start late night at a local food mart is where I found a beautiful young woman and I’ll be damned if I didn’t think of ramming our cart see all I was looking for was that little spark to get things rolling came up with nothing had to reassess the situation then found out she smoking what a lovely token the situation then presented itself and was sweater than passionfruit how we broke down the stereotypes filled our brain shell with enthusiasm twisted our words flared up a conversation and what erupted was magical the rest was history or a crazy mystery because through our ups and downs I only think of the good ones and the times u were really missing me our love thick and passionate reassured me that u wanted me as your company our embrace so deep I can feel the bones from her pelvis I really hope she can stomach me charged with pleasure she screams soliloquies I swear to her my penis was her drug and every time I sting her she get a buzz like a bumblebee when we touch heat vents from us excitement drenches her leaving a stream coming out her pores the lord name gets involves and its volcanic at her peak she overspills oozing hot lava from her core often times left quite sore just like my heart once we started loving less and fighting more the smell of deceit filling my nose cavity the numerous times u lied to me I swear this is perjury us spending five years together connected at the hip now being separated with a quick snip I guess that’s surgery not only did u break my heart but u made me look like a fool for that second line if u really heard me watching u leave really hurt but the fact that u moved on so quick almost murdered me now I consider myself moved on I hope u never say a word to me left numb but still feel at times I reminisce about u and I wonder if our breakup was premature rather now Im abandoned because our love that we birthed wasn’t coming natural anymore instead had been ripped out of u like surgery 

Letter of sorrow

Lord I don’t mean to bug u but i feel my life’s in trouble I’m constantly on the bubble n my days r a continuous struggle but y me I try to do the right thing time n time again n I know I sin but I’m trying to overcome this just please tell me where to begin I attempt to live it up just to get beat down n whenever I feel I have a breathe of fresh air I drown no wonder I frown look at my odds a 3 at best living my days with this pain surging thru my chest from stress please lord help me pass ur test I leave my past at rest n live in the now it’s like I’m living a long fight n I’m finally ready to throw in the towel lord give me strength I know deep down I’m a good person but too afraid to show it worried the world would take advantage reasons y I consider myself a poet n I know I’m on a never ending list of people u don’t notice but given the things I quoted do I still seem hopeless if I kept working hard at this opportunity to get u to listen will I get promoted or will I end up no where like an engine with a dead battery should I just tow it no words can explain how appreciative I am for all u have done for me for my family n the lessons u taught me tho it may seem that I’m stuck it’s only cause im so unprepared for those long range problems but in good from putt lord the reason im living has not been clear I have so many questions to bare like where do u see me going next n more importantly y am I here I need ur guidance in this road called life with no license so I’m depending on u to steer regretful nights n stressful days lonely nights filled with pain followed by longer days filled with rage my heart feels empty eyes seems dry overwhelming sorrow fills my life as days go passing by n im just asking u lord please before I die u listen to my words n notice me like a star in the sky